Xion Estrella [Mind Magic]

[Xion]

Name: Mind Magic
Type: Caster
Element/Aspect: -
Description: Mind magic is exactly what it says on the tin. It is magic that affects the mind of the victim, or more specifically three sections of the mind. The Occipital lobe, the part of your brain that controls what you do and don't see, the Hippocampus, the bit that involves memories, and the brain stem, allowing the central nervous system to be manipulated for a series of effects, whether this be to make the magic explode as the user tries to make it, to make them fall asleep or to make them completely shut down and die (this is high level magic, and thus rookies can't handle anything more than sleep and to send painful shocks through it.) there are, however, a list of requirements for each form of manipulation
- For manipulating their Occipatal Lobe, they have to see signs weaved into the air like runes, causing the desired effect
- Whilst manipulating the Hippocampus there is two things the user should note. At low levels, memories can only be altered, they can't be deleted or created. It also requires the user to touch their intended opponent.
- As with the Hippocampus, the user has to touch their intended opponent for any effects involving the central nervous system.
Side Effects: Due to this magic involving a lot of mental magic, the user can sometimes suffer backlashes in the forms of migraines or headaches from using the magic too long. In addition, if the victim experiences too many high-ranking spells of this kind, it can leave them disoriented and drowsy for periods of time, so should be used sparingly on friendly forces.

Seeing Double
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10, 5 for each post afterwards
Type: Utility
Element: -
Range: Ranged, 10 meters
Requirements: To weave the rune of multiplication (see spoiler)

Spoiler:

Effect: The user casts the rune into the air, and all those gaze upon it will see two of him instead of one. However, two of these will be completely non-existent, so when they try to attack them, the attack will just pass through it harmlessly. However, the other side of the coin is that as it they are non-existent, they will be unable to actually hurt an opponent, instead just a way of making sure that he's not completely targeted. Unfortunately, as the spell is quite weak, the clone can't move.
Cooldown: 4 turns

Spoiler:

Flashbang
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Offensive/Utility
Element: -
Range: 10 meters
Requirements: To cast the rune of vision

Spoiler:

Effect: The user casts the rune, and everyone who looks upon the rune feels their occipatal lobe flooded with information, blinding them completely. This doesn't affect their sense of smell, touch, taste or hearing, but it can be used to knock out their sight for an ambush or to escape. However, the moment he casts a spell above Base Rank, the opponent's longing for life will cause this spell to be undone, stopping them from being badly injured whilst under the influences. As such, only Base Spells and non-magical attacks should be attempted whilst they're blinded. Being targeted by a spell or injured any other way will knock the victim out of this spell.
Cooldown: 3 turns
Duration: Instant

Chameleonism
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Utility
Element: -
Range: 10 meters
Requirements: To cast the rune of vision

Spoiler:

Effect: The rune of vision is cast, and anyone who sees the rune can no longer see Xion, no matter if he moves or not. Well, when I say can't see him, I mean it's extremely hard to, as his body is 85% transparent, giving him the impression of being a ghost. However, whilst moving his body regains a little bit more opacity, becoming only 50% transparent. It's still harder to see him, but it's certainly not too much of a challenge. This does not affect their sense of smell, hearing, touch or taste but it can be used for asassinations and sneak attacks, due to it being much stealthier than Flashbang, with the ability of nobody even knowing what happened, whereas the flashbang is blatantly obvious.
Cooldown: 4 turns
Duration: 2 turns

Speed Contrast
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Utility
Element: -
Range: 10 meters
Requirements: To weave the spell of sensing

Spoiler:

Effect: The user weaves the rune of sensing, and everyone who sees it feels their senses slow down, moving their bodies 20% slower
Cooldown: 3 turns
Duration: 2 turns

Open Book
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Utility
Element: -
Range: as far as Xion can reach
Requirements: To touch the victim.
Effect: This spell causes the user to be able to read the victim's memories within a flash, giving him access to the memory and thoughts of him so far this topic.
Cooldown: 2 turns
Duration: Instant

Overload
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Offensive/Utility
Element: -
Range: As far as Xion can reach
Requirements: has to touch the victim, the opponent has to be an NPC
Effect: This spell sends a wave of magical energy through the victim's central nervous system, overloading them and causing them to fall unconscious
Cooldown: 4 turns
Duration: the rest of the thread

Spoiler:

Burning Senses
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Offensive
Element: -
Range: As far as he can reach
Requirements: To touch the opponent
Effect: The user forces a quick burst of energy into the opponent, causing the equivalent of an electric shock by minutely overwhelming their system.
Cooldown: 3 turns

Spoiler:

Self-Destruct
Tier: Base Spell
Sigils/Sigil Slots: 0/0
Magic Cost: 10
Type: Offensive/Utility
Element: -
Range: as far as Xion can reach
Requirements: to touch the opponent
Effect: the user sabotages the opponent's magic by forcing his own into the enemy's central nervous system, causing every magical attack that they do (that's base spell strength) to backfire and blow themselves up. This attack causes pain in the vicitm, as well as blowing their clothes apart (unless wearing Requip armor, where it will do two blows instead of one.)
Cooldown: 4 turns
Duration: 1 turns

Spoiler:

[Sokuseki]

I'm just going to state my opinion of the magic first, before I get into the spells themselves.

Allowing people to see things that aren't there is a perfectly fine ability, no problems there.

Memory Control/Deletion: My main problem here is that you can essentially make a person forget how he fights, uses magic, or even an entire spell. I would say that this should be purely limited to RP purposes, especially if something like this were permanent. It's just too manipulative.

Nervous system control: My biggest issue here is that the nervous system and a person's magic circuits are completely unrelated and therefore you would be unable to force a spell to explode. For anything higher than a base spell, you'd need significant prolonged contact as well. I'd say at least one full post for D or C, 2 posts for B, and 3 posts for anything A+.

I haven't looked over all the individual spells yet since I want us to be on the same page to start with, but from the looks of it... many of your spells are WAYYYY too strong for a base spell, closer to C-ranks many of them.

Self-Destruct is especially overpowered. You're able to counter an equal level spell and do significant damage for the same cost? Forget about the fact that it's on contact. A Takeover or Requip would pretty much be dead.

Oh yeah, and cooldown and duration are not part of the template. They are to be included in the spell's effect. If it has a duration, it has an upkeep cost.

[Xion]

the central nervous system sends many things around your body, so I thought it would be a decently scientific explanation that they are carried around the same way electrical impulses from muscles are, by sending magic to where it's wanted, as they have never actually (to my knowledge) explained how that happens.

Memory deletion is high ranks, so that won't be a problem until I make a spell for that, and you see, spells learnt are about muscle memory as much as they are physical memory. I will make sure to keep as a mental note, however, that they can't be done without discussing the implication with a mod/admin first.

Now, I will edit anything else you wish me to edit when you ask me to edit them. Any other explanations I am willing to give, just talk about the specific thing you want me to explain and I'll explain it ^_^

[Sokuseki]

The template has been changed to exclude duration to avoid later conflict. Anything that has a duration must have an upkeep cost with the exception of debuffs. In that situation, the duration in posts must be included in the effects.

Seeing Double: Too strong for a base spell. This should start off as a single immobile illusionary clone. A specialization sigil can add movement, and then another can add an additional clone.

Flashbang: Any type of spell or injury should knock them out of this state. Start it out at one post duration.

Chameleonism: It's a base spell. You should not be completely invisible. Start it at 85% opacity and you can decrease it from there with sigils. This will need an upkeep cost instead of a duration as well.

Speed Contrast: Reduce the duration to 2 posts, which can be increased with sigils, and pick either movement speed or reaction time to debuff. You can gain the other with sigils.

Open Book: No. Just no. Way too strong for a Base. This would probably rank up towards an S-rank simply because it essentially gives you the right to metagame any past abilities and experiences of your opponent and use them to your advantage. As a base spell, I'd say it should only allow you to recall what happened to the victim in the last post (from the victim's perspective). At C-rank, I'd say maybe up to the previous topic the victim was in, at A you can view the entire history and spell arsenal of your opponent. At S you'd be able to view the entirety of your victim's magic and its weaknesses and your opponent's weaknesses... for an increase in contact length of course.

Self Insert: Anything used to alter another person's character is completely denied. That is godmodding. Do not attempt to argue your point for this spell. Do not say that it's only temporary. We know that. This is completely denied; permanently.

Change of Plan: Denied for the same reason as above. Even if this weren't denied entirely, this is 100% an S-class spell.

Overload: HAHAHAHAHA. No seriously, is this a base spell?

Burning Senses: Pick one effect. The other can be gained with sigils.

Self Destruct: Just no. Not even close, buddy. Anyone using a boost or any non-burst based magic, according to your description, is instantly blown to bits. Just no. And this is supposed to be a base spell?

[Xion]

Edited everything you asked, however, I thought I'd better explain the two that you treated badly

Firstly, Overload is mainly a plot based spell, and thus is completely useless against real players (mages). The only reason I put a player countdown on here is because someone always has to be awkward. They'll make a purple naked zombie in saints row three, or a khajit with heavy armour and two handed swords in Skyrim, or in Fairy tail they'll make a non-mage.


Secondly, I'm basing Self Destruct off of a more primitive version of Rapture magic, and when you say they're instantly blown to bits, I truly think you're taking this out of proportion. Did you see Juvia and Gajeel versus the cleaner? How many times did they explode but just keep coming back?

I would also wish that you would be a little bit more polite. Stating opinions on spells is your job, but laughing without truly understanding something is rude, unhelpful, and frankly rather crass.

[Sokuseki]

Remove the duration from every spell. If a spell occurs over more than one post, it will require an upkeep cost with the exception of debuffs. Otherwise it will be assumed instantaneous.

Overload: So you're singling that odd-person out by giving you an instant victory. Unless you need a great amount of prolonged contact, I don't see this ever being approved.

Self-Destruct: That's certainly not how you described it, nor what your gif suggests. State how much this "blowing up" would actually do, and maybe it'll be approved. This should be instantaneous or only 1 post after contact.

Seeing Double: This is one of the spells that will need an upkeep instead of a duration.

Flashbang: Approved

Chameleonism: There was a misinterpretation, but I'll give a bit more leeway. It can be 85% transparency when not moving (ghostly), but it must also be 50% transparency when moving (definitely visible, but faded). Like so:

Spoiler:

I think that's more than fair for a base spell.

Speed Contrast: Approved

Open Book: Approved

Burning Senses: When the duration section is removed as with all other spells, this will become instantaneous. Increased duration can be gained with sigils.

I dealt with the major spells first and worked my way in order from there afterward. The only recurring issue is the template change, which is just an inconvenience, but had to be done to prevent people from making mode spells and neglecting the cost per post, instead adding huge durations to minimize magic cost.

[Xion]

I've edited everything, as well as turned the Overload spell into something purely against NPC's. I can make it against player's later >.>

[Sokuseki]

Ok, Sorry bout the wait. For the 4th time, remove your durations except on debuffs and make them either instant or continuous upkeep. Duration should be in the EFFECT section and should not be its own section. Seeing Double and Burning Senses appear to be the only ones you changed.

Flashbang: Did you change this? I thought it was pretty clear that ANY spell or injury regardless of rank would snap them out, not just a spell higher than a Base. Maybe I missed it the first time.

Chameleonism: This requires an UPKEEP cost for the 3rd time. Not a duration.

Speed Contrast: Duration should be part of the effect. You missed a period.

Open Book: Duration is part of effect.

Overload: It should be more posts than instant contact.

Self Destruct: I think I may've misinterpreted this. It cause no external damage, but causes the target to become naked? Duration in Effect.

[Game Master]

W A R N I N G ! ! Xion, part of your magic is denied. ...to be manipulated for a series of effects, whether this be to make the magic explode as the user tries to make it, to make them fall asleep or to make them completely shut down and die (this is high level magic, and thus rookies can't handle anything more than sleep and to send painful shocks through it.) At low levels, memories can only be altered, they can't be deleted or created. First off let's talk about the correlation between Magic and the Central Nervous System (CNS). I'm sure Matthias has already pointed out "that they're completely unrelated", and you replied that it it's because the CNS sends "many things around [the] body." While you are partly correct, you specified that it is the "Brain Stem" you'll be using in your magic. The Brain Stem only controls the motor neurons and sensory receptors of the body, meaning the movement of an arm or leg (motor) or feeling the drop in temperature (sensory). From my understanding, since they have not explained the origins of magic (as you have stated), you used your artistic license and made 'magic' into something tangible (electrical impulses) like the chakra inside those of the Naruto character. If this were to happen then a lot of people will be able to "interrupt" your own spells and "make them explode." People can and will be able to "push" their "magic" into another person's body regardless of "electrical impulses". In which case... your magic will be quite weak. So this is my First Judgement: Magic does not run in the body. It is something akin to "auras" or "feelings" or "ideals" or the element "Wind". Examples would be 'killer instinct', 'fear', or 'hope.' Just like the wind - you cannot see it or smell it, but you KNOW it's there. Magic simply is. My Second Judgement: Reword the description in your magic and spells so that you won't be able to GM any Player-Characters ever, no matter how high the tier is. The bolded words in the first quote above is what I'm talking about. In the second quote I want you to delete 'at low levels.' This will make sure that you only stick to memory alteration in all tier levels and won't be able to 'create' or 'delete' at higher levels. If you were able to do that then you're essentially integrating "Memory-Make Magic" into your own. Third Judgement: If any of these spells are going to be used, change your Elemental Alignment to 'Electricity.' Of course, this would mean that it'll only include the lightning in your body and discharging it into your opponent by way of contact. If you feel like you need to say something please re-read this thread.

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